Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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