hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
