i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
