He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
