I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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