I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Shame - the story of my life.
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