come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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