just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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