matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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