just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
