i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So vagazzling was a success
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
