I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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