If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
