We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
