i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
