I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
