I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
