how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
