she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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