dude i'm inner monologue high
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
try to milk me bitch
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
