I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
