my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize