we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
