I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
