its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
