dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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