It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
