I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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