he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Operation Purity has been aborted
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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