I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
