if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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