after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
