So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
