I just saw a hot homeless man
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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