Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
