dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
