my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
