hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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