fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
