It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
