if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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