Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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