How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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