someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
