I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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