At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
please come you make the beer taste better
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
