I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
