HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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