Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
someone owes me an orgasm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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