I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
