FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize