Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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