I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
