nut hugger
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
