I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
