youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize