FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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