Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
