Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
