someone threw a dead crab at me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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