is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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