Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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