I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize