there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
