WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
