We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Boobs are out for the taking
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
