do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
