Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
