You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The uberlube is also flammable
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
