did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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