I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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