walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
