i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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