You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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