Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
