I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I just shit out all my problems.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
