Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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