How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i believe in u and ur pee
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
