It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
