my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
