Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
