Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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