We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
