I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
