man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is the high leading the old right now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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