peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
