Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
