I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
