I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
