Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
