You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize