He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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