he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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