Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
