That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
