quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
