I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
