Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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