She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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