Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
