when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
