it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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