Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This baby is an asshole
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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