I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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