how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
