i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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