i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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