so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
