My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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