I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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