I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you never un-have a 4some
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
