I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
