Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize