Farmville is her only friend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
